Amazima

When I was in college in Tennessee, one of my best friends in the whole world was OBSESSED with Africa. Obsessed to what I thought was borderline CRAZY! Why would she want to go to this place? Why?? I understand that there are people there that need help, but there are people here who need help just the same. I was completely missing the point...along with her obsession with Africa, Jessie was OBSESSED with a blogger named Katie Davis. A girl who is our age who is doing big things for orphans in Africa. She was 18 I believe when she first went there and before she knew it she was the mother to 14 little African orphan girls. I won't go in to her whole story because I sincerely, really and truly, encourage each of you to go to her blog, start from the beginning and read about her journey.

You cannot read her story without feeling inspired. Don't believe in the miracles of the Lord? Need to believe in a miracle of any kind? Need to believe in hope? Need to be reminded of the goodness in people? Read this blog.

I've always thought that I was a reframer, I take every situation and I always try to find the good. But I tend to leave out the part about Jesus.

If you can't read all the posts, pick one of these, they left me so inspired:

Here. Here. Definitely click Here. Ohhh but definitely this one too! Okay, I haven't made it through her whole blog yet, I started from the beginning and I'm still half way through 2009. Here are some quotes:

"I never want to leave this room so full of the Holy Spirit that I can feel Him like electricity pumping through my veins, so alive with God’s love and promises that all we can do is dance.

So here I am. And one day I will leave, but I will always come back because my heart will remain. THAT is what it is, that is why. The joy of the Lord bubbling up inside me until i threaten to burst. The God inside of me and all around me who makes me dance."

"and these moments, these little glimpses of something better and higher than the world that we live in keep my face smiling, my eyes shining and my heart dancing in my chest. it will keep me pouring out every ounce of everything that i have because there is no better blessing than the opportunity to give yourself away."

I guess I finally realize why you love Katie Davis so much Jessie ;)
Now...who wants to find an organization in Houston with me?!

November/December 2011

November 2011 Ren Fest

We started off November with the Renaissance Festival...LOVE that place. Seriously the greatest turkey legs and sausage on a stick EVER lol Plus it's always great for people watching. Unfortunately, I didn't get any pictures of the interesting peeps, just a few of our many activities.

These super funny masks I made him try on. The guy in the background that looks like Marilyn Manson
was totally hitting on SB. Talking about putting roofies in his drink and all this other
weird creepy stuff hahaha YIKES!

Blurry Picture of me about to shoot! I was checking to see if he was
going to take the picture and he snapped away before I was
"ready" whoops!

Excellent Form ;)

I hit it!!! The very bottom left corner on the yellow target, I was the only one to hit
the target lol, one of SB's hit the roof!

Holt giving it a try...

Cuties!!! Doesn't SB look so tough pahahaha

Good job honey!

This Llama was hysterical. He had such a strut going
on, funniest thing EVER!

This crazy maze we walked through.

Waiting to get out of there!

Our swing ride! It was so fun :)

This statue man, he was really good! He
would only move when you gave him a tip.

Bye Bye Ren Fest! See you next year!!

It was such a good time!

I went twice, one with SB and his aunt and cousin and the next time with my friends Lindsey and Caitlin.  I'm so glad I went twice because I got to see so much more the second time around!

Now onto Christmas. this year we had three, one at my dad's, one with Shawn's parents and one at my mom's.

It really was one of the best Christmases ever, here's a little snapshot:

This is what Christmas at my dad's looked like:

We ate such a yummy dinner and then the boys PASSED OUT! Even the puppies were zonked out. So I watched football while they napped. (I made sure to wait till they woke up before I started cleaning, I knew they couldn't resist the "Do you need any help?" questions, and yes I took them up on it ;))

This is what Christmas with Shawn's family looked like:

Our first Christmas!

Two of Shawn's cutie little cousins!

They are so funny :)

Shawn's precious cousin Hammed. LOVE him!!

Braydon and Alyssa did Amber's makeup for her. How cute is he with his little lips pursed too!

They got Nintendo's from Santa and I got to play with them all night! I want one now ;)

The finished product...good job Braydon and Alyssa!

Amber and Scott :)

Shawn's sweet dad. He cooked and cleaned all day!

Dinner was SO good!!

And this is what Christmas at my mom's house looked like:

Hi cutie!

I don't know why my eyes look so crazy.

We literally spent the whole night pretty much parked at this table playing my new favorite game, SPADES!! I seriously became obsessed this weekend. I "re-learned" how to play and we spent Saturday and Sunday night with Shawn's fam playing till like 3 in the morning. Then when we got to my mom's house it turns out she's an old pro at it, and she taught me when I was younger (I knew it seemed familiar!) I'm not very good but luckily I had a little helper with me. These pictures are SO precious. Pablo sat with me practically the whole time. He had his little paws on the table and everything...I had to put him down after a while though because he kept drinking my milk! He is so CUTE

Pablo's ready to play some spades!

Trying to read the other players faces.

My fur babies were clearly not in a picture taking mood...

But they are just too cute not to share!

While the rest of us were playing spades after dinner, Tony and Pablo decided it was time for a nap.

I just realized that most of these pictures are deceiving, I cut out like 80% of the people, not on purpose! I just got my camera out too late. There were a lot more people that I didn't get to account for. 

But seriously, best Christmas ever. Just getting to spend tons of time with family and we literally laughed our way through the whole thing. I'm a lucky girl :)

On Being Happy and Body Image

I wrote this post like an hour ago and seriously debated whether or not to publish it...I don't want people to feel sorry for me and I don't want any extra attention. It's just something that's heavy on my heart...I don't know...maybe one of you reading can relate...or maybe you can't so just skip right over this and let's forget it ever happened, we'll just meet in the next blog post! 0:)

I guess we all have our dirty little secrets, here I go putting mine out there...kind of ;) :

Well...today I don't know what it is but I just cannot stop thinking about my weight loss journey. I haven't written about it at all on this blog because I started a diet in late August and didn't want to be embarrassed if I failed and didn't lose any weight however...so far I have lost 50 pounds, and hopefully still counting!

It has been so HARD...more mentally than physically.

I won't go into just how much I weighed, YET (I will one of these days when I'm down about 20-25 more pounds) ;) but it just really got me thinking about being happy with myself.

I have lost 50 pounds...FIFTY freaking POUNDS! Yet...every time I step on the scale the only thing I can think about is losing that 20-25 more. Um HELLO?!?!?!?!?! Why am I not ELATED?! Jumping for JOY?! Screaming at the top of my lungs that I am no longer TRAPPED inside a body that made me uncomfortable 24/7???

Answer: I. Don't. Know.

What I do know so far is that I have accomplished a lot (as others tell me)..but to me, it feels like no big deal, it feels like just a means to an end, to lose MORE weight, to be were I WANT to be, to be...happy??? If someone else were to tell me they lost 50 pounds...HOLY GOODNESS! I would be so excited for them!!!!! Praise them on their will power and beg and plead for tips on how they did it...but wait...I did that. Why can't I praise myself??

Maybe because:
1) I know how hard it is to make the right decisions when it comes to eating and only I know how hard I am on myself when I make the wrong ones...
2) I have unrealistic expectations of how I should be eating and losing every single day.
3) I don't take care of myself like I should right now and I'm scared it will affect me in the future.

The list could go on and on.

It's so funny because 50 pounds ago I wasn't really self conscious...I have an AMAZING boyfriend who (bless his delusional heart) thought I was perfect just the way I was. It made me feel SO good but, I was still uncomfortable in clothes and still very conscious of how my body looked in certain outfits. But I told myself this time, I was in no hurry. I have people who love me no matter what I look like and I would take my time and I would get to where I wanted to be when my body wanted to get there. However now, I am SO body conscious...I get nervous more then before about how I look. Every bite I take has this fear in my mind "If I eat more then I did yesterday will I gain an ounce...or a pound?"

Enter the mind...

I did NOT factor in to this wonderful weight loss dream how hard I would be on myself. Why?? Why can't I be satisfied with certain accomplishments??

I guess it's not a dirty little secret...we are all our biggest critics right?!

Hehehe I thought this was kind of funny...I know a lot of
people like this ;)

I've found a lot of comfort in reading other people's blogs, people who have lost 2 to 3 times more weight than me and have all felt exactly what I'm feeling.
Read this if you can relate:
http://www.canyoustayfordinner.com/what-i-miss-from-135lbs-ago/

And then, if you've got the time, read this:
http://www.canyoustayfordinner.com/my-exercise-history/

I just found this blog and it is so inspiring to me, I've felt every single thing that she wrote in that and I'm excited for the day when I can get to the same place as her. And I'm working on it, I really am!!

***Note: I am NOT writing this post to get people to feel sorry for me or to praise me, I am not doing this for my own ego. I am writing this because I feel like I'm not alone in this mentality and to me it's really comforting...I'm sure (or at least I hope) that there are a lot of people out there who are hard on themselves no matter what they accomplish.

I also do NOT think that happiness lies in how much you weigh...I can count NUMEROUS times when I have seen an "overweight" person who is HAPPY and CONFIDENT and I have wished that I could be or feel like them, same thing with a "fit, skinny" person. hmm...I guess maybe it's just self image and worth that I'm after...huh...hey, who says you need pay for a psychologist, I think I just cracked my own psyche! ;)

Also note...is it obvious I have trouble distinguishing between then and than??? Haha evertime I write I really have to think about it and in the end I just have to make a choice.

Not a second too late

How God works in my life...Hope you're ready to read ;)

I am not the most OUTWARDLY religious person, I don't go to church anymore (I wish I did but I just have no self control to get out of bed early and I'm too selfish and lazy to go at night...this will change though!) But I do FULLY believe in God and I thank him DAILY for everything that he has provided to me...because it's a LOT.

Yet, I'm a worrier...I worry all the time. And it's so funny because everything that I worry about ALWAYS works out in the end so you think I would have learned my lesson by now.

Last weekend I went to the Rennaisance Festival with Caitlin and Lindsey and Linds and I went to a Tarot card reader. She told me that I would be facing some challenges at work (check), that there was someone from my past that had come for a relationship (check), but then she started talking about how I had financial issues...and then I was like darn it, I wasted my money.

BUT...literally this week was TERRIBLE!!!!!

Backtrack a little bit...

I've never had a credit card before. Never needed one I guess...my parents paid cash for my college education so I never had to take out loans...therefore, at 23, I have ZERO credit history...not good. I've been trying to get a credit card for a while and I always got turned DOWN! Haters...

So finally about 3 weeks ago, my mom came with me and cosigned on a credit card for me. I hadn't heard anything back from them and had pretty much given up on the fact that I was going to get approved, but, on Sunday my mom checked the mail and there it was!!!! I was so excited!

It literally came just in time...

I was out from work for a week and a half because my sister passed away and I had things that I needed to take care of away from here so I only got paid for 3 days last week. (Don't get me wrong I have a LOT of money in savings, a lot more then most 23 year olds, or 30 year olds for that matter, but that's SAVINGS and I don't want to have to use that just yet).

I get paid weekly and each week $100 goes straight to savings...

So my pay check this week is...well...let's just say, I've had better. So with all my rent, plus bills, at the end of this week I will have $13.85 in my checking account. I have a dentist appointment on Friday and it's going to be pretty expensive. If it weren't for my credit card arriving at the PERFECT time, I wouldn't have had money for gas, groceries, or the dentist.

God Provided!

Also, one of our roommates abruptly moved out last month (he lost his job so I guess it's understandable, but he really left Chris and I hanging...). I had a mini panic attack yesterday when I thought about having to pay $825 in rent this month when I didn't even have that much in my checking account. I called Chris yesterday so he could calm my nerves and he told me that there was a guy coming to look at the house that day! Two hours later he called me to say the guy had put down money for the security deposit and paid the rent for this month...literally a day before rent was due.

God Provided!

It ALWAYS works out...why do I worry?? Literally two posts ago I posted that bible verse that says it will be on time, not a second late. God keeps us, he is FOR US. This song below is one of my most favorite songs in the whole world...when I'm feeling stressed I listen to this over and over again and just cry my little eyes out and sing the words in prayer. I know it will work out in the end and I know that things will get better. They always do!

I am so grateful to have parents who are so supportive and will help me out when I need them.

I am so grateful to have the opportunities that I have had.

I am so grateful.